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All Pinzur, All The Time

Saturday, July 03, 2004

Saturday Morning Fever

One of the great things about TiVo is getting to watch all those movies you never bother to see in the theater or even rent. One of the downsides about TiVo is actually watching all those movies you never bother to see in the theater or even rent.

Exhibit A: Basic, starring John Travolta. It also claims to star Samuel L. Jackson, who has about four minutes of actual screen time - far less than perennial scene-stealers like Harry "I made enough from my music to buy my way into SAG" Conick Jr. and Tim Daly, the guy who couldn't even carry the lofty load of starring in "Wings."

I desperately want someone to explain to me what in the name of all that is holy convinced Hollywood screenwriters that they could throw together some ridiculous hodgepodge of other bad, contrived, military- conspiracy movies (Courage Under Fire, The General's Daughter) and pass it off.

It didn't help that this movie was filed outside Jacksonville, where my former newspaper was desperate to follow every development. (Filming has started! Actors have arrived! The director has a head cold! Travolta likes lemonade!)

But the location was not nearly enough to mangle this masterpiece of crapulence.

My theory: Travolta.



Some group of casting agents and screenwriters and producers apparently believe that he carries this mystique of aloof, James-Dean-like hipness, as if casting him in an incomprehensible plot makes it painfully hip instead of just painful.

Try and name one really good thriller performance he's carried since Pulp Fiction and Get Shorty.

I'll wait...

La de dah...

...

You can't, can you? BECAUSE THERE AREN'T ANY. He's headlined so many mindlessly crappy action/thrillers (Broken Arrow, Face/Off, Mad City, Swordfish, Domestic Disturbance, this list goes on and on and on and includes the aforementioned General's Daughter) and yet NO ONE SEEMS TO CATCH ON.

He's sneaked through a handful of decent turns in other genres (the vastly underrated Primary Colors, for example) but even outside of blow-stuff-up and everything's-a-conspiracy movies, he usually manages to simultaneously suck and blow: Michael, anyone?

And I'm not even going to expound on Battlefield Earth... sullying the good name of L. Ron Hubbard.

Just because Quentin Tarantino made him cool for 154 minutes in 1994 doesn't mean he's able to endow coolness on others.

Please, Hollywood, let the madness end. Thank you.

Oh... and welcome to our blog.

3 Comments:

  • Awesome. Pinzur in the HIZZZZZYYYYY.

    Correct about Travolta. He's just not good. I start laughing every time I see them trying to sell him as an actor. He's probably the main reason I stayed away from The Punisher.

    By Blogger James F, at 11:11 PM  

  • You needed reasons to avoid The Punisher?

    The sad thing is, Travolta has or at least had, some talent. I agree that Primary Colors was the last good thing he made, though I must say, the commentary track on Battlefield Earth ranks high on the unintentional comedy scale.

    By Blogger CHILDS, at 5:38 PM  

  • You needed reasons to avoid The Punisher?

    The sad thing is, Travolta has or at least had, some talent. I agree that Primary Colors was the last good thing he made, though I must say, the commentary track on Battlefield Earth ranks high on the unintentional comedy scale.

    By Blogger CHILDS, at 5:38 PM  

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