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All Pinzur, All The Time

Monday, August 09, 2004

My turn for beatdowns

Let me get one thing out in the open, I hate stupid people. Not the kind of hate like Watermelon gum or rainy days during the summer time. No, no. I mean like, baseball bat across the dome piece (dome piece = your head).

Ah, so you are saying, where does this anger come from? This is where it comes from.

1) I am all sweaty with obvious gym clothes on, with my radio strapped on to my arm.
Stupid Person: Were you at the gym?
Me: Nope, I just go to the supermarket, get real sweaty and then come home.
Stupid Person: All I asked was a simple question.
Me: And all I gave you was a smart-ass answer for asking such a dumb friggin question.


2) I am in the elevator of my building with my golf clubs and a golf shirt.
Stupid Person: Going golfing?
Me: Nope, I am going swimming. I use these as floaties so I dont drown.
Stupid Person: How well do they float? (I swear they said this)
Me: Well, they float about as much as you would expect steel and metal clubs to float.
Stupid Person: Do you think you could start a business with this for kids?
Me: Only if I want to be arrested for killing innocent children.


3) I was in a clothing store looking for help. I found some one that worked there and I figured they could help me.
Me: Excuse me, could you please help me?
Stupid Saleswoman #1: Sure, what do you need help with?
Me: I need some help find clothes in the men's section.
SS #1: Oh, the men's section, I cant help you there. Would you like me to get someone who can?
Me: No, I would just like to stand around there for a while until the store closes and I can simply rob the place.
SS #1: Ok, I will send someone over to help you.

SS #2: Hello Sir, I was told you needed some help. Do you need help?
Me: Well, you already know the answer to that, you said it in your first sentence, someone told you I needed help, and I swear my opinion of the situation still has not changed.
SS #2: Ok, what do you need?
Me: I would like to try on this jacket in an XL, but you dont have anymore out here. Do you have anymore in the back?
SS #2: Hmm...(checks the jackets I was talking about). Hmmm...I dont see any here.
Me: I know, I just told you there wasnt any here. Hence the reason I had you come over here to help me. I could easily get paid $6.60 per hour to tell me that the jacket that I already know is not here in my size, is not here.
SS #2: Would you like me to check the back?
Me: Actually, first I would like you to get me a baseball bat, so that I can beat the crap out of you, and then check the back. But, instead for timesake, could you just check the back?
SS #2: Sure. I will be right back.
5 minutes elapse
SS #2: I am sorry sir, we dont have any more mediums, all I saw in the back were a XXL and one XL.
Me: Hmm..well, the XL sounds ok.
SS #2: You sure?
Me: Well, considering that is what I asked for in the first place, and your dumb-ass interpreted XL as Medium, I would like the XL jacket.
SS #2: Ok, I will be right back.
10 minutes elapse
SS #2 walks out of the back and walks past me
Me: Um, excuse me, did you bring the jacket?
SS #2: Oh, I totally forgot to.
Me: Well, what were you doing back there?
SS #2: I got a text message from a friend that I had to respond to about what we were doing when I was done working.
Me: To be honest, I dont give a flying fuck what you do after this, can you go get me my jacket now?
SS #2: Sure, which jacket was it and what size?
Me: You are the dumbest person I have ever met. The fact that you are not drooling on yourself is quite shocking.
Then I left the store. This was on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. Not only a beatdown, but I want the neighborhood kids to come out and let them deal with their manic depression on this person. Nothing makes a person feel better than beating the crap out of someone, especially a complete and total jackass.


  • Wow... that's a lot of rage for a Monday.

    By Blogger Big Pinz, at 1:11 PM  

  • Sounds like L'il Pinz has a CASE of the Mondays.

    By Blogger LiAps, at 11:16 AM  

  • How hard can it be? Ni-nee-nah-jar. Ni-nee-nahjar.

    Actually, the issue with the store and the jacet took place on a Sunday.

    By Blogger Little Pinz, at 11:22 AM  

  • jacket, but ya'll know what I meant.

    By Blogger Little Pinz, at 1:21 PM  

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