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All Pinzur, All The Time

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

The (Hopefully) Last Word on Cuthbert

Yes, this conversation has dragged on and on...

Here are pictures of six Canadian women...

Neve Campbell

Jill Hennessy

Shania Twain

Pamela Anderson

Linda Evangelista

Elisha Cuthbert

I dare anyone to stand up and say Cuthbert would be his first choice. And if she can't even beat five other Canadian chicks, I think we know where she stands in the global sense.

Cast your vote in comments.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

The Cat Lady Returns

60 cats? Who the hell needs 1 cat, let alone 60 cats? What is it with women and and cats? And not only one or two cats, but 60? I think more than three cats and you officially become a "Cat Lady" (and one that does not look like Halle Berry.) Come on people. See the link.
The Cat Lady Cometh

Worthy Reading

I've been tinkering with the sidebar a little the last few weeks, as you probably haven't noticed.

The "Friends" heading includes links to the blogs of people we actually know in a flesh-and-blood, real-world sense.

The "Worth Reading" section hooks up to the various and sundry neat-o places in the blogosphere. The newest additions are Standing On The Box, a fun read by a New York club bouncer, Josh Reads Comics, a great blog about newspaper comic strips, and Chatological Humor, which is not really a blog at all, but a weekly online chat with the Washington Post's humor writer, Gene Weingarten.

If you like them: you're welcome.
If not: change the channel.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Another reason to avoid Wal-Mart

As if barefoot shoppers and the persistent stench of mediocrity wasn't enough...

Elderly driver runs over 2 at Wal-Mart

Concidentally, I was at a Wal-Mart for the first time in probably five or six years this morning. I decided to have laser eye surgery next week, so I can't wear my contact lenses anymore. But I also can't drive outside without sunglasses, so I needed to buy those ultra-hip clip-on shades to wear over my regular glasses.

So it goes without saying that I am looking HOT.

But I am pretty psyched about the procedure. Instead of getting LASIK, which I guess lots of doctors are phasing out, I'm getting something called PRK. It's similar to LASEK - fewer complications and better results than LASIK.

The only real downside is the recovery period: I'll probably be uncomfortable and nearly blind from the time the procedure ends next Thursday until the following Monday or Tuesday, around four days. Still, my mom just had it done, as have a few other reporters here at the Herald, and they're all very happy with it.

I've worn glasses since I was 7 or 8 and contacts since I was 10 or 11. My prescription is really strong: -8.5 in one eye, -7.75 in the other, so I'm about 20 minutes from selling pencils on the sidewalk.

I'll try and blog a little after the procedure to give you a sense of what it feels like.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Our neighbors to the north

Just for the record, LiAps insists he is not having sex with any Canadian women, including Samantha Bee.

That means there are all kinds of hot (and probably very submissive) women with whom LiAps is not engaging in carnal knowledge.

Just thought you should all know.

Monday, January 10, 2005

New Blogging.....

Little Pinz has just began a new blog (see our "friends" section here as well) concerning what I call, "Quick Hits" which are short, sarcastic comments about the weekly issues within the everlasting messed up world of professional sports. So please stop by and read the new blog as well, leave feedback about how funny, ridiculous or just plain ole stupid the info is (thats for you LiAps). It can be found at

Underrated Film? Cause the Man is keeping him down....

This weekend I saw the movie, Undercover Brother, for the first time. I remember seeing preivews for it, but never saw it. And since Big Pinz and Lady Pinz got me a two month subscription to Netflix for my birthday, I have been seeing movies I had not ever really thought about seeing before and seeing randoms. Undercover Brother falls into the latter category. I would put him at the Martin Lawrence level of comedy. Plus, Doogie Howser, M.D. is in the movie working for the Brotherhood, as a white intern for the black group thanks to affirmative action. Dave Chappelle is in the movie as the Conspiracy Brother. Charlie Sheen's wife and unbelieveably hot Denise Richards plays "The Man's" ultimate weapon to a black man, a white woman. Chris Kattan, formery of NBCs S.N.L., plays the lead villain as Mr. Feather. There are two great cameos in this movie of the Godfather of Soul, James Brown, and former Colt 45 spokesman and Lando Calrissian himself, Billy Dee Williams. Williams was a decorated general and was going to run for presidency when "The Man" hires Mr. Feather to control William's mind and to make him not run for president but to announce that he was starting a chain of Fried Chicken Restaurants callef GFC (General's Fried Chicken).

The infamous Cat Fight between Richards and Aunjanue Ellis (Sistah Girl) is some of movie history's greatest moments. Ok, maybe that is a bit extreme, but the scene is truly hot. Hilarious stuff.

I think I laughed my way through the whole movie with sterotypes galore that is only permitted these days in your own home, under the sheets with the lights off. There and out of Rev. Al Sharpton's mouth. But, honestly, one of the funniest movies I have seen in quite some time. If you are looking for a surprisingly funny movie, this is the one to get your hands on. I give it two picks and one fro' up.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Welcoming Back Little Pinz to the Board

I know many of my fans have been wondering, once again, "Hey, where is Little Pinz and his great post?" In fact, I left a small post recently to which I had legions of people happy to hear from me again and made note of how much they loved my post and see that my dedication was back. But have no fear, I am back, and ready to take on more of those wacky emails all of the fans of the Pinzur Blog have recently submitted.

Question #1:
I heard that Little Pinz went on a crazy Crack, Heroin and alcohol binge and hence was unable to type logical posts, and the ones he did type were quickly deleted by Big Pinz due to the fact that the comments were rather crude and quite obscene. Is this true?

Steve C. Memphis, TN

Well, much like Bill Cosby and his "There is always room for J-E-L-L-O", I believe firmly that there is always room for "B-I-N-G-E". Especially around the New Years Celebrations. Which I still consider the most overrated day of the year, but to which I still celebrated rather hard and saw not one, nor two but seven, yes, seven people passed out on the sidewalks on New Years Night. So, to them, congrats. But I always enjoy non-New Years Binge Drinking. As for Crack and Heroin, I dont do those as much any more mostly because Crack leaves my mouth dry and heroin leaves me with yearning for more and Citibank still would like their Mortgage repayment EVERY month, so I give it to them instead.

In all actuality, the main reason for my disappearance coincided with my office building here in cloudy Chicago, IL catching on fire and rendering three floors completely ruined (two due to fire and one due to water.) Fortunately, my floor was not harmed at all (I am on 16 of a 45 floor building.) But on the night of the fire, by 10:30 PM I had a plane ticket out to Anaheim, CA (Home of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim) and was out there for the rest of the week. Then the following two weeks I was at an alternative location out on Chicago's far west side in the middle of El Barrio (I was able to recall Spanish I had not spoken since my Junior year in college in Cancun, although I am not sure Spanish/slur is a language.) But I am back in my office at 135 S LaSalle Street in Chicago and I am re-energized for more interesting posts, or at least posts. I will do my best to post nothing but interesting articles and fun stories...therefore I will probably disappear again.

Question #2:
If you are playing Texas Hold 'Em and have Ace-8 suited, is that a good play if you are near the button and there are many people (in a table of ten) that have called the blinds?
Paris H. Los Angeles, CA

I have answer on that one, but I will allow Big Pinz to answer this one since he has already posted info on Texas Hold 'Em and could probably give you a 30 minute explanation on this subject since he is always to the point and never talks just to hear himself talk. I say, I like that that play to see the flop. If no Aces and/or not two hearts then get out, otherwise, you might pull out a good hand. Big Pinz, you may have the floor for the next 30 minutes now, I am gonna go nap while you answer this.

Question #3:
Are you really one Badass Muthafucka you always gets the ladies?
Tyrone Brooklyn, NY

More than you know...........I one time got a lady to serve me lunch. Now that was awesome. I believe her name was Flo.

Thanks for the emails. Keep em coming. As you can see, I replied to all the emails we have gotten since the last post back on August, 31st 2004.